The Monster I Love
by thegirltornupbypride
Summary: A traumatic even cause Rin to leave her hometown of Tokyo to live in a small mountain village in the country with her estranged grandmother. She has returned ready to battle the demons from her past, but what happen's when she falls in love with the very person who hurt her the most. What happened to her all these years? What made her return? A/U Trigger Warning : Rape


**The Monster I Love**

 **Chapter 1 : Sheets**

* * *

The room was still almost as though God suspended every life in this moment save for one person. The girl was motionless with her body sprawled out across a king size bed. She moved a finger grasping for the navy blue sheets that had been carelessly thrown aside. The world was slowly coming back to movement around her as she pulled the soft material closer to her body before uncovering her blind folded eyes. They scoped the room quickly just to make sure she was alone. The first breath felt like fire in her lungs so she kept breathing faster and faster until she realized that she was losing control of each breath.

"Stop." she spoke the word out to herself.

"You can't do this, Rin." she took a deep breath but that would not stop the tears that already began to fall from her eyes. She looked down at her wrists where purple bruises had already begun to reveal themselves. The room smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. She realized this was really her life and this was not a nightmare that she would wake from. Rin looked down at the floor around the bed for any clothes that had been discarded. She spotted her blouse hanging off of the bathroom door knob, her skirt at the very end of the bed, and her shoes placed neatly beside the night table. Rin ran sloppily to the bathroom reaching the toilet before collapsing to her knees.

"This can't..." the words fell out of her mouth before she emptied what felt like the entire contents of her stomach. She pressed her back against the wall before wiping her lips with her bare arm. A small whimper left her as she felt her tender muscles and the soreness of every bruise on her small body.

"Get up." she willed herself before forcing herself to stand. She avoided the sight of herself afraid of what she would see. She grabbed her top and threw it over her head and put her skirt on before finding her phone in the drawer of the night table beside the bed. She held down the power button waiting for the light to show it coming back to life while slipping both shoes on to her feet. The battery was dead which made her realize that she wasn't in the mood to talk at all.

Rin walked towards the door and pressed her ear against it trying to get an idea of how drunk everyone was. The world seemed to come to a sprint once she opened it. Everything was so chaotic that she was positive she would be able to leave unnoticed. She started pulling her long brown hair into a pony tail as she faked a smile. She made her way down the stairs pretending to be equally as drunk as the college kids around her. Rin quickly surveyed the packed living room for any of her friends with no luck. She slipped out the front the door.

"You can do this." she wondered how she was maintaining herself right now. It must have been the shock or maybe even the adrenaline in her blood. Rin felt the cool breeze rush against her exposed calves as she stared down the poorly lit street. ' _What am I even doing here?_ ' she wondered. The music was blaring and she was unsure of the time. The walk home was just under two miles. She had walked over with her friends hours earlier.

The festivities began early that day. It started off as a pool party and became an all night event. Rin felt drops of water slowly hit her skin one or two at a time. ' _Just my fucking luck._ ' she thought to herself as if the night could take a worse turn. The road was then illuminated by bright car head lights. Rin felt paralyzed with fear for just a moment. ' _Keep walking.'_ she forced one foot in front of the other. She looked over with an immense feeling of dread.

* * *

 **10 Years Later**

Rin watched the fast moving scenery as she sat on the train ride to her home town of Tokyo. It had been years since she decided to leave to take care of her grandmother in the country. It was not that she had a good relationship with the woman or that she even liked her. It was a chance to start again and a chance to escape the questions she knew that she would have to face if she stayed. Rin was on her way back to get answers and to save the girl that stayed behind. She looked down at her smart phone for a moment.

 **INCOMING TEXT**

 _Kagome Higurashi_

 _Hey! We'll be at the station when you get here!_

 _We're so excited to see you!_

Rin was relieved knowing that her old friend was doing her best to welcome her back. She vanished into the night without telling anyone in person, without giving anyone a real good bye, and she could not say that she regretted doing so. There was a lingering resentment still within her that she was trying to let go of. It was the resentment of the irresponsibility that they had all shown in their youth. ' _We were all just kids._ ' she told herself that every time that she wanted to blame them for her circumstances, of course, then again they were all blissfully ignorant to her reality. She knew that she had to forgive them but it was hard.

The view of the station where she would meet Kagome was just coming into view. It had been a couple hours since the text message was received. Rin hadn't seen her in just a little less than six years. They met briefly when Rin journeyed to make arrangements to rent out her house. Rin had isolated herself so well that none of her friends knew where to find her. It just so happened Kagome saw her at the Higurashi Shrine trying to leave very quietly leave after making a prayer.

"So you're engaged?" Rin laughed a couple minutes after spotting her friend and large diamond ring on her finger. "To him?" she pretended to laugh harder looking at the boyish Inuyasha. He seemed to have changed at all. The only feature to make him look older was the very beginnings of a beard growing along his jaw. He furrowed his brows and glared.

"Let's leave her here, Kagome!" he shouted just as Rin imagined he would. Kagome laughed and slapped his shoulder knowing that it was all in good fun.

"You're gonna end up on the couch." Kagome looked at him pretending to be stern.

"I'm just joking, you big baby." Rin wrapped stuck her bag out for Inuyasha to help her carry as they all walked to the parking lot.

"So, it's been a long time. What were you doing in the middle of nowhere for so long?" Inuyasha threw her bag over his shoulder and looked at her through the side of his eyes.

"I told you she had to take care of her grandmother." Kagome said trying to get Inuyasha off of the subject quickly.

"Well, I mean it's not she ever even did anything for you or your mom." Inuyasha scoffed at the thought of Rin waiting on the old woman who had never even called her on a birthday.

"It's just what I had to do, whether I like her or not she was the only family that I had left." Rin watched the lights on Inuyasha's car flash as he pressed the unlock button on his key remote.

"There was a lot that I had to learn, to be strong for, and while she could be cruel she did what she thought was best for me." Rin thought of the old woman with mixed emotion. Silence fell over the trio as they drove. Kagome had been sending Inuyasha glares for his outspoken behavior the entire car ride.

Rin's house was just two blocks from the Higurashi shrine. They all sort of grew up together. Inuyasha's mom briefly lived in the neighborhood with Inuyasha. Rin realized that no matter how nice his mother was most of their neighbors did not welcome or tolerate her or him for that matter. It was one of those things that you don't understand until you are a full grown adult. Inuyasha was a bastard and Izayoi had been a mistress. Rin knew now that's why he asked her why she would even go out of her way to take care of the old woman on the mountain. Inuyasha knew what it felt like to be unwanted by your own family.

"I haven't been here in so long." Rin looked out the window at her family home. Her parent's left the house to her as well as a small trust fund and emancipating her when they passed. Rin smiled at the thought of them spending time together here. They were happy. Rin had a beautiful childhood, it just ended too soon. Rin stared a moment longer before reaching for the door handle.

"Let me help you unpack." Kagome offered as she motioned for Inuyasha to bring her bags into the house. Rin shook her head with a small smile.

"I think I need to be alone in here for a while first." Rin had not stepped foot here in almost ten years. She lived through some of her best and worst times here. She could feel the tears well up behind her eyes as she unlocked the front door.

"We understand. Call if you need help with anything." Inuyasha ushered Kagome down the front walkway. Rin watched her friend wave goodbye with a smile. Rin waved back before closing the door behind her. The family that she'd rented to kept the place up. It looked like they cleaned the place thoroughly the last time they were here. Her own thoughts brought her to the last moments she spent here before going to the small mountain village.

* * *

 **10 years ago**

Rin approached the front door biting back every sob that her heart wanted to release. She had to be okay. She had to show no weakness at least just until she made it inside. Rin fumbled with her keys. She had not even realized that her hands were shaking violently. Finally, the right key opened the lock. Rin felt like she flung herself through the threshold as she slammed the door. She pressed her back against it sinking down to hug her knees. She felt protected by the walls of her home, but she was aching and her head was pounding.

' _How long have I been crying?_ ' she came to the sudden realization that she could hear herself sobbing. She could hardly recognize herself. There was no rest between the crying or the sounds that left her. She was in mourning for her loss. A loss of who she was, who she could have been, and whom she'd lost. It went on for an hour before she fell asleep exhausted in a heap at the front door.

The next afternoon Rin woke up with her arms wrapped around her own body. She sat up the daylight illuminating the hallway. She never wanted to leave, she wanted to stay home for the rest of her life curled up in her bed with her blankets around her. Rin was aware that was not an option and it would cause her friends to only ask more questions about her life; about her mental state. ' _Let's take a shower. At least you'll be clean._ ' she stood slowly her body stiff from sleeping on the hardwood floor. Rin climbed the steps to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror.

Rin was a sight to be seen. The perfect picture of a drunken night out resulting in the worst hang over. Her mascara was smudged and had run down the sides of her small heart shaped face. Her almond shaped hazel eyes were bloodshot and swollen both dehydration and crying had not done her any favors. Her small but full lips bruised because she held them between her teeth to stop crying the night before. She undressed slowly. There were bruises on her wrists, arms, thighs, and hips. Rin could feel her legs becoming weak beneath her as the room began to spin. She felt the air evaporating her in her lungs as she tried to tear her eyes away from the image.

"Just don't look." she closed her eyes and took a step in the shower closing the curtain to block the mirror from her sight. The hot water poured over her body and she washed herself gently with soap covering every inch. She was trying to be so light that she would not feel her own touch. She wanted to scrub every emotion away but she knew it was not going to change the way she felt even if she did. She stepped out of the shower looking straight down to her feet. Rin made her way to her room and climbed into her bed covering herself in all of her blankets. She just wanted to lay there and not exist.

"Three days before school starts again." she looked at the calendar on her way. There were X marks counting down the days until then. ' _That means I have three days to pull myself together._ ' Rin thought throwing the comforter over her head.

* * *

 **A/N:** So, I'm rewriting this story. The story line will remain the same. I'm just writing in my free time. I don't think that it will be too long between updates as I have a lot of it these days. I don't have a beta and I'm not actively searching for one, so please cut me some slack on the grammar and mild typos. This is a hobby for me, I'm doing it for fun don't take the fun out of it for me.


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